Author's Note: This piece is based on the story 3:15 and what I did was I wrote what I thought the ending was going to be. I decided not to do a horror ending but it does have some scariness in it.
Cody Miller was just about to melt the gold when he saw a shadow right in the corner of his eye. Cody turns, but sees nothing nor no one. Once again he hears the voice of the old man saying "You better not take my gold treasure boy". Cody was starting to feel a little guilty about taking the old mans treasure but decided to do so anyway. He picks up the hook and he sees there is words on it spelling do what is right boy. Feeling a little creeped out Cody gets some water and washes his face, hoping that he is not going crazy because he does not believe in ghosts. Then he starts to think about how he would hate it if someone took his treasure when he passed. Cody looks at the golden ring, admiring it's beauty and decides that maybe he can keep the ring and give back the hook.
Thinking of a way to give back the hook he decides if he can find a family member of the old man he could give it to them and possibly get a reward. As he is walking into town he heard some fella's talking about the old man. "Can you believe that the guy with the golden hook finally died"? says a man. "Yeah, if I was young and crazy again I would probably steal it since he sadly has no family member to look after it and he was probably buried with it". Cody felt stupid that it was obvious that any man would rather have a family member look after it than the ground. Feeling doubtful Cody decides that maybe he should just sell the hook and go on with his life, then the voice trails off in his mind for what the old man said to him. He sees a shadow once again but it looks like an old man and is trying to gesture him to follow. Cody decides to not get the spirit angry and follow him. After about ten minutes Cody realizes that he is back where the old man was buried. The shadow then walks on top of the grave and disappears. Then Cody realizes that the ghost will not leave him alone unless he puts the hook back with it's rightful owner. An hour past and he dug all the way down back to the wooden coffin. He uses the back of the hammer to get the nails off and finally put the hook back on the old man. When he reburied the hook he started walking home when he sees the shadow but now its look exactly like the old man and he said "I knew you would do the right thing boy". He never again saw the spirit.
I choose this ending because I don't think that the old man is a bad guy so he didn't exactly haunt him. In the story the old man wasn't too much of a push over so I that is why I thought he was a nice guy. Of course I was wrong and in the real ending the old man Kills Cody so the he wasn't as nice of a guy as i thought.
Great Job!! When I was reading your story, I came across a lot of misspelled words and missing punctuation throughout the story. Another thing, at the end, in the last paragraph, you need to add more detail on why you thought the story would end the way it did. You need to have some more detail. Another thing is that when you said that the Mr. Buchanan wasn't a bad man, I completely disagree because in the real ending of the story, Mr. Buchanan is haunting Cody and eventually kills him for what he did. Mr. Buchanan is not a friendly person because the reason why he killed Cody even though I completely understand why he did. So, go back, find the misspelled words and missing punctuation and then add a little bit more detail on why you think the story ended the way it did. Otherwise, nice work!!
ReplyDelete~Allison Andes
Thank you Allison I will have a look.
DeleteOk. Really read through it and ask yourself if it makes sense.
Delete~Smoulder- Allison Andes
CAN YOU TELL THE TALE IN A TENSE THAT MATCHES THE ORIGINAL? YOU GO FROM PAST TO PRESENT TOO OFTEN. ALSO, BECAUSE OF CODY'S GUILT, WAS HE SAVED DUE TO THAT FACT OR THE KINDNESS OF THE OLD MAN?
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